Firsts

Okay, I'll admit it:  I'm nervous.

Not curl-up-in-a-ball nervous, but an excited jittery kind of nervous.   Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for NYC on what I'm now thinking of as my Get-Ellie-Out-Of-Her-Comfort-Zone Adventure.

What started earlier this year as trip to attend BlogHer, an annual conference of bloggesses, has ballooned into a whirlwind of firsts for me.

Attending the conference is a big deal for me.     I'm not a big traveler, and getting myself safely to New York, in a hotel, rooming with three other fabulous bloggers, already feels like a lot.    I have run-of-the-mill anxiety:  will they like me?   will I make an idiot out of myself?  what if I find myself standing in a corner with nobody to talk to?     Add to this the uncertainty of navigating these small-talky waters sober, and I find myself wringing my hands a bit, wondering how it will all go.

Then my amazing friend Heather (and one of my roommates) got me to sign on to the BlogHer 5k.  In a Tutu.     I'm not a runner.   I have been working out, so I'm not in the worst shape of my life, but running is something I try to avoid when possible.    The lure of tackling this challenge was too great, though.   I'll be almost 50 lbs lighter by then, it's for a good cause, and it's a terrific ice breaker.   I'm willing to bet I'll never get the opportunity to run through Central Park in a Tutu again.    So I'm going for it.

Then last week I was contacted by a local friend who told me about a discussion hosted by Liberty Mutual's Responsibility Project, one of BlogHer's sponsors, who is filming a Roundtable conversation about Celebrity Hero Worship.    I was intrigued, and had a 'casting call' phone conversation with one of the producers, and ultimately was chosen to be on the panel.   I don't know much more about it than that - other than I now have to be in Brooklyn, NY very early in the morning on Wednesday, do my own hair and make-up, and dress "business casual".    I'm just jumping in with both feet, not knowing all that much about it, because it's a topic that interests me and it seems like a great experience.   

And then the fabulous Heather told me about an opportunity to attend a Broadway show on Wednesday night.  Of course I can't say no to that.   Again - I don't have most of the details, other than I'll be seeing West Side Story (how cool is that?) and meeting other amazing bloggers (man, these women are talented.  See? I'm feeling insecure).

So instead of going to NYC Thursday, I'm leaving tomorrow morning, staying by myself at a hotel tomorrow night, going to Brooklyn first thing on Wednesday to be filmed in this roundtable discussion, going to a Broadway Show Wednesday night, heading to the hotel for the conference on Thursday, running a 5k in a Tutu on Friday morning, and then attending the conference for two days.

Whew.

And where are my children throughout all this?  They are happily attending day camp and staying with my parents in NH.   I dropped them off this morning for their first day of camp - oh, they were so brave - before heading back home to get ready.     I drove away from them with a lump in my throat.   I won't see them again until Sunday.  That's six days from now.  I know they are happy, I know they will have fun, but it was hard to leave them.  

I could see in Greta's face this morning that she was nervous.   She kept asking me how many days she would be there, when she would see me again, whether or not she would know any kids there (other than her cousin, who is there with her).     As I kissed her good-bye, I saw tears brimming in her eyes.   She swallowed hard, flashed me a smile, choked "see you Sunday!", and dashed into the camp's activity room before either of us could cry.   Finn was nervous, too, but he said this about it:  "I know I'll feel shy at first, but after a couple of hours I'll get used to it."

If they can be brave, I can be brave.   I don't know how it will all unfold, of course, but I know I'm in for an adventure of a lifetime.

So if you're in New York, in central park, around 6:45am on Friday morning, look for this:

I'll be the one jogging by, muttering to myself  "In a couple of hours I'll get used to it...."

P.S. - Thanks to my Mom, who made the Tutu.   She just waltzes into a fabric store, grabs a little of this and a little of that, and comes up with the best ideas, right on the spot.  Maybe I got my spontaneity from her?   It's perfect:

P.P.S - As you can see from this post, I'm in need of some Serenity.    Thankfully, the Serenity Suite is open for business throughout the conference, just for this purpose.   If you're going to BlogHer and you want to kick up your heels, relax, get away from the crazy, stop on by Room 4307.     I'll be here these times, if you want to come prop a girl up:

Friday: 2:30- 3pm (with Heather)

           6:30 -7pm (with Kalisa)

           9pm (with Heather)

Saturday:  6-7pm (with Heather)

                8:30pm (with Christine)

As you can see from the schedule Heather has figured out that I'm going to be following her around like a tall, awkward shadow for most of BlogHer.    She doesn't know it yet, but I'll probably stalk her on Thursday night, too, so if you're there early and want to come meet some cool people, the Serenity Suite will be open on Thursday as well.