You Don't Want To Miss This. Or This. Or This.

September is  National Recovery Month, and I will be posting about recovery events, information and celebrations for this whole month!

Some big announcements today!

The first one is a video I made celebrating recovery. Shining Strong is a non-profit corporation I founded in April of 2013, and I'm so pleased to announce it is making HUGE strides in helping people struggling with addiction and breaking down the stigma that surrounds this disease by CELEBRATING RECOVERY.   With my fellow board members Lisa, Amanda and Lisa, we are increasing our outreach, partnering with other pioneering people and organizations like The Anonymous People and Gosnold on Cape Cod  and growing our audience (and hence our outreach) by leaps and bounds.

To promote our organization AND celebrate the gifts of recovery, we created a video.  PLEASE share this on your social media pages, and/or tell your friends about it.  You never, ever know who you may be helping, as two-thirds of Americans are impacted by addiction either directly or indirectly.  This video shows that RECOVERY WORKS, and it's full of beautiful and inspiring women who are on this recovery journey with me:



To continue our outreach and continue to administrate our sites Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour  we need your help.  All proceeds from my jewelry businesses fund Shining Strong, but that isn't enough to meet our expanding needs.  This is a fantastic problem to have, because Shining Strong and its websites are growing faster than any of us ever imagined they would.

Contributions go towards the administration and marketing of all three of our websites, producing our internet talk show/podcast The Bubble Hour, as well as helping us with expansion plans that include hosting yoga/meditation sessions, recovery retreats and much more.

On the right-hand side of my sidebar is a Widget that says "Please Help Shining Strong"... you can choose any amount and it ALL helps.  As an added thank-you ... any contribution of $30 and over will receive a signed copy of my book "Let Me Get This Straight".  If you contribute $30 or more you will see a form to fill out with your name and address for where to send the book, as well as a place to request a customized message from me, if you'd like.

You can also go directly to the contribution page by clicking here:

Please Help Shining Strong!

EDITED TO ADD: Some people are reporting trouble with this widget, especially MAC users. I apologize, and I'm working on it with WePay. I am able to accept credit card donations that go directly to Shining Strong's account, so if you are interested in this option, please email me at onecraftyellie@gmail.com. I apologize for the trouble.  

There are non-monetary ways to help, too.  You can share this post on FB or Twitter or email it to friends -- anything to spread the word about Shining Strong!   You can come like our Facebook page by CLICKING HERE.  If Crying Out Now or The Bubble Hour or my personal blog have helped you or a loved one, you could come leave a testimony (you can do it anonymously) on Shining Strong's website by CLICKING HERE.

Any way you can help is so very much appreciated, and we thank you.

Last announcement - Shining Strong's presentation of The Anonymous People was sold out so quickly we moved to a bigger screen at the West Newton, MA theater, and we have more seats available!!  They will go fast, so if you haven't gotten your $10 ticket yet, and you live anywhere near the Boston area, please CLICK HERE NOW to get your ticket!    

We are SO excited about this film - it is changing the conversation about recovery, breaking down the stigma that surrounds addiction and catalyzing much needed political, economic and social change!

We get many questions, particularly from people in the recovery community, about how this film and how it relates other 12 step recovery programs' traditions.  Greg Williams, creator of the film, was a guest on The Bubble Hour and he talks about the film, how it all came about, why and how the recovery conversation is changing and answers the questions about this film and 12 step traditions.  EVERYONE in recovery, struggling with addiction or alcoholism, or who loves someone in recovery or struggling NEEDS to listen to this show.  Greg is compassionate, graceful and articulate and we are so grateful for his appearance on our show:

New Life Podcasts with The Bubble Hour on BlogTalkRadio

Thank you, everyone, for all your support, encouragement and love over the years. This is just the beginning of some very exciting and hopeful times for the recovery community and for Shining Strong. We appreciate all your help. So much.

Important Announcements for People Struggling with Drinking, AND The People Who Love Them

I have two important bits of business/announcements today.

I know not everyone who reads One Crafty Mother struggles with addiction, but many people read who are touched by addiction in some way, through a loved one or friend or parent.

I'm looking for help spreading the word about my new site, Shining Strong, which for now is operating as an umbrella organization for Crying Out Now, The Bubble Hour and One Crafty Mother.  The proceeds from my two jewelry stores: Shining Stones and Two Little Birds already go to fund to the mission of Shining Strong, and they are part of this umbrella organization as well.

I am in the process of creating a not-for-profit organization - Shining Strong - to make the collective missions of all these websites and companies an official not-for-profit that can hopefully seek additional sources of funding, down the road, to help maintain and grow Shining Strong, and as a result reach more women who are struggling from this disease and think they are alone and stuck.

So, there is a method to all my creative madness, lately.  That's the grand plan.

I made an information/promotional video for Shining Strong. The intended audience is women who are still struggling with drinking and need the support these communities can provide, and I'm hoping some of you will share this video.

Even if you don't struggle with addition, or never have, you really and truly never know who you may be helping. It could be someone you know well who is suffering in silence. Did you know that 15% of people in the US alone are considered "problem drinkers"?  That is more than 1 in 10.  It's a chronic, progressive and fatal disease (if left untreated) that very few people want to talk about. Shining Strong's mission is to chip away at that stigma and fear, and create communities for healthy, open and judgment free discourse and support.

Actually, people who don't struggle with drinking are probably better candidates to share the video, because people who do are too scared to share and reveal their secret, because of the effing stigma. You all know how I feel about the stigma.

I get a lot of feedback from people who love an alcoholic who tell me the posts and pod casts on Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour (and here) help them understand addiction better as well.

So if you'd share this video, I'd be very grateful (and keep reading after the video, because I have one last announcement). Just share the link to this post, or click on the "share" button on the video itself - super easy and fast!  Also - I know it looks from the preview like Crying Out Now's anniversary video, and you will see some familiar faces, but it's a brand new video:



My second announcement is an important Bubble Hour episode that will air this Monday, January 14th at 5:30pm EST, 4:30pm Central and 2:30pm PST.  If you can't listen at this time, it will be available in iTunes and The Bubble Hour's website right after the show airs. You can find a link to this episode (and more information about our featured guest)  by clicking here.

The Bubble Hour is honored to have Sarah Allen Benton, author of "Understand the High Functioning Alcoholic" as a featured guest.  She is a tremendous resource to people struggling with drinking - especially people who haven't experienced many (if any) losses from their drinking.  She is ALSO a tremendous resource to loved ones who are concerned about someone's drinking, so this is a show that I encourage anyone who is worried about a loved one or friend to listen to.  We hope to have the live call-in function available for this show (we're testing this capability tonight) and the number to call is at the top of the show page, which you can find by clicking here.   There is also a chat function (at the bottom of the show page; obviously both the chat and call-in function only apply while the show is live), and you need to register with BlogTalkRadio to participate in the chat (quick and easy and you can use any username you want).

As always, the show will also be available on The Bubble Hour's web page and on iTunes immediately after it airs.  To subscribe to the Bubble Hour on iTunes, click this link here.  

To learn more about Sarah and her incredible work, please visit her website by clicking here.

Please help me spread the word about these valuable resources, by sharing this post, the video, or the link to the BlogTalkRadio show page for Sarah's show (again, you can find that by clicking here).

You will be helping more people than you can possibly imagine, with just a few clicks and shares on your Facebook or Twitter pages, and I appreciate it so much.

Thank you!

Turret Thinking, A Health Scare and A Message (or two) From The Universe

I appear to be in the midst of a creative explosion.

Back in the late summer, I told myself (and some recovery friends, and my yoga instructor) that I was going to focus on self-care in the fall.  I was still healing physically from the cancer treatments, but feeling better every day.

I joked and said I was going to postpone my world domination plans until after the first of the year, at least.

I made it until about late October, and then my creative brain went a little nuts. In mostly a good way, but it's got me wondering where is this all coming from?   I don't say this in a braggy way (because I'm not sure it's something to brag about anyway) but in the past few months I have launched a new internet talk show/website/twitter page, published a book, sold a record amount of jewelry with the revamping of my newsletter with more attention to marketing, and hired a web designer for a last, bigger project I'm not announcing until January or February.

Some of my close friends, who know me well, have called me on this whatever-it-is I'm doing thing. It's a bit manic, and I freely admit that.  The thing is, I'm happy.  I definitely get overwhelmed, but I've asked for help with my creative babies (and am SO grateful to get it from so many lovely, compassionate, creative people) so at least I'm not doing all this alone anymore.

Then I was meditating the other day and it came to me - I knew where this creative explosion was coming from.

I spent six months incapacitated by cancer, unable to do much but think and sleep.  And think I did.   I thought about what really matters; a life threatening illness will do that to you.  Of course family came out right at the top of the list.

But another phenomenon happened as well.  I've always had a crazy creative brain.  Heather and I call it our monkey brain.  Having a shortage of monkeys (ideas) has never been a problem for me.  I was only happiest when I was madly chasing a dream or a new idea or building something online or talking to someone about building something online.

Basically, I was running from the drudgery of real life. Endless amounts of laundry, dinners, homework, baths, packing lunches, cleaning.  Letting my monkeys run wild was my escape - the antidote to my self-inflicted "I'm more than just a Mom" syndrome.

I was running from.  Not towards.

What cancer did - or rather what that forced stop did - was cause me to re-evaluate where I spend my time, even my mental time, because suddenly that was a lot more precious than it used to be.

As I emerged from my illness, began to physically feel better, I realized I have a mission.  I've had it all along, but it has been scattered.  I said at a round-table discussion recently, "I like to build my castles from the turret down. Turrets are pretty and everyone looks at them and I like that. Then I get to the last brick at the foundation and find out I'm building on a swamp".  I'm impulsive, and I like starting at the most interesting (and, let's admit it) noticeable part.

I've always had a mission - help people (especially women and mothers) who struggle with addiction and/or recovery feel less alone.  My mission is not to run around getting people sober.  My mission is to throw the doors of the stigma and darkness and secrecy and ignorance surrounding the disease of addiction WIDE OPEN.

This creative explosion is because I know what I want, now. I know why I'm doing it. Even the jewelry is tied to my mission.  It all folds back in on itself, and I'm getting advice (new anti-turret behavior!) on pulling my mission together into something even tighter, more meaningful and structuring it in a way that it can reach even more ears.

I'm running towards, and it feels really good.

And then yesterday I had a scare.  At the risk of sharing too much information, I woke up yesterday morning with a mouth full of blood, and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I didn't know where it was coming from. It was terrifying.  As luck (HA! I don't believe in luck any more) would have it I already had a radiologist check-up scheduled for that day. I wasn't going to go, though, because I'm to busy and was feeling so great.

Sometimes the Universe whispers to you, and sometimes it SCREAMS.  I looked heavenward, through my fear, and said "point taken".  I should never, ever be too busy to take care of myself. I was feeling so good, so far away from Cancer Land, so distracted from how recently I finished treatments.

Suddenly there I was slammed back into Cancer Land - full of fear and awfulizing thoughts and "shoulding" all over myself. I should be beyond this fear, I should be able to handle this better, etc.

I took a deep breath, called/emailed and texted some sober friends and told them where I was headed, what was going on, and got them lined up in case I got bad news. I can't be left alone with bad news.

I headed into the Radiology Department at Mass General Hospital, full of fear, spitting blood into tissues.  Why now? I thought to myself, playing the victim. Things are going so well. 

For some reason you always wait at least an hour for a scheduled appointment,which doesn't do much for rising panic and fear. My phone was buzzing away with encouraging updates from friends, which helped so much, but finally I turned the phone off, centered myself, and meditated.  Me. Meditating in a cancer ward.  I never, ever thought THAT day would come.

I sat with the center of myself for a while, counting my breaths and listening to my strong heartbeat, when suddenly I heard the first jingling bars of beautiful guitar music.  I opened my eyes to see a woman playing the guitar and singing with a circle of children with cancer - all full of smiles and clapping along to the beat.

Perspective? Firmly in place.

My appointment was fine. I'm okay. They think the blood is from dry air/sinuses, and when they scoped my throat, they said "it looks fantastic".  I have a lot to be grateful for.

I drove home thinking, hard, about how lucky I am to have found the thing I want to do with my life, for as long as I can afford to do it.  Cancer gave me this gift. I don't know if I have a day or sixty years, but I intend to make the most of whatever time I have left.

The other lucky (HA!) things? That afternoon I had both my cancer support group and a recovery meeting to go to.  I dumped all this out to people who understand, and felt a million times better. Sometimes the Universe Screams, but sometimes it Pats You On The Back, too.

I have a lot of work to do, some dismantling of turrets and some laying of foundations on solid ground, but I'm excited.  I can feel in my bones that it's going somewhere good - and I don't mean wild financial success or millions of people staring at my turret.  I mean my purpose, my heart song, the footprint I'm meant to leave in this world.  As long as I can focus on balance, self-care and support, I will be okay.

Knowing my mission in life, being so certain it's why I'm here, is so freeing. Even though I'm busier than I've ever been, I'm calm (usually - I have my moments as I recently posted about,, I guess I should say I'm existentially calm). I'm purposeful. I'm focused. I'm able to follow my mission and spend time with my kids because those other monkeys that don't fit in my life aren't there anymore.

It may sound odd to some of you - I was telling a friend all this recently and she said, "Well, DUH!  I think you may be the last person to see this, you know."

But she doesn't understand how many monkeys have gone silent, and how many I've let run free. If the monkey doesn't fit my mission - even if I think it's a really good idea - I'm letting the monkey go.  That's HARD for someone like me.

I am still trying to prioritize self-care. I go to yoga, my cancer group meetings, my recovery meetings.  I'm still searching for that elusive balance, but because I'm on a heart mission it all feels like part of my balance.

And I have NO idea where it's going. I'm not planning that part - that's turret thinking.

I'm opening my heart (not my monkey mind) to the messages the Universe sends me (or hurls at my head, depending on how much I'm really paying attention).

I'm just laying the next brick, as carefully I can and with lots of help. advice and more than a little prayer.

I can't wait to see how the castle will turn out.

I Can't Believe It! And a giveaway!

It CAME today!  My new book!  I didn't expect it to arrive so quickly, and I'm SO happy with the way it turned out!

Please excuse morning hair and face. Too excited to get dolled up for the picture!

I am holding in my hand one of my dreams.  Granted, it's not the same as being published on Amazon or through a literary agent, but hey - it's a step in the right direction and I'm really proud of it.

The color edition of this book is more expensive than the black and white, and I went back and forth as to which one I should pick, but I'm so pleased with the color, and especially when it comes to the photos in the book, it makes such a difference:

I seriously cannot believe I'm holding a book in my hand with the words "by Ellie Schoenberger" on the cover. I can't even pretend to be modest or sheepish about it.  I'm thrilled.

As I wrote about before, the profits from book sales are going to fund Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour.  These labors of love have reached hundreds of thousands of people, and I've reached the end of what I can afford to do on my own and still keep these sites going.  Some wonderful people (announcement coming soon) have volunteered their time to help me keep them going, but the actual expenses are growing (just to maintain the sites).

If you want to support these sites - if they have helped you or someone you love -and you want a "Best Of" compilation of my posts so far (talking about my journey through alcoholism/recovery, weight loss, my father's sudden death, cancer and the joys and trials of everyday life with two young kids) there is still time to receive it before the holidays.  The softcover (color) edition is pricier than normal, but it goes to a good cause.  You can also get the eBook edition (for MAC products) and pdf versions (for PCs) for $9.99.

But the book makes a great gift, if I do say so myself.  :)

Even if I never, ever sell another one, I still can't believe I accomplished this dream that has been on my list for ages.  Thank you to Heather of the EO for the idea, and to Blurb.com for making it uncomplicated to do for a technically challenged person like myself.

If you are interested in ordering the book or eBook, you can go here to do so.

Thank you to everyone who has supported these causes by buying the softcover or downloading the eBook or pdf so far.  I can't tell you adequately in words what it means to me.  And the thousands of people out there struggling with addiction thank you, too.

And if you think I should make it available in black and white at a more affordable price ($15.99) will you leave that feedback here?  I'm so in love with the color photos, but maybe it makes more sense to make it black & white so more people can afford it?  Unfortunately I have to pick one or the other. What do you guys think?

I am smiling from ear to ear today.  I am still working on a book of original writing that I hope to find agent representation for someday.  Someday.  Achieving this dream makes my confidence level to be able to achieve that next goal so much higher.

It's a good day.

I'm going to give away one autographed copy of my book!  If you have already purchased one (eBooks and pdf files count, too) or you purchase one in the next three days, leave a comment and I'll give you FIVE entries.  If you leave feedback on whether I should produce a black & white version instead, I'll give you TWO entries.  And if you comment and say you'd like an autographed copy, I'll give you ONE entry.

The winner will be chosen on Friday, December 7th via random.org:


Thank you!

Exciting News

I'm trying hard not to apologize for coming here and continuing to talk about my latest projects.

But I can't really write about anything else at the moment, because these heart projects are on my mind, and I'm determined to spread the word.

I already posted about The Bubble Hour (a new internet talk show that is also available on iTunes).  It's a show geared towards giving practical advice to people who are still drinking, thinking of stopping, who are new to sobriety and could use empathy, advice and community, or people who have been sober a while and are interested in hearing how other people get through the tougher times.

It's a practical advice show, with fabulous guests telling their own stories and opening up what has worked (and not worked) for them.  Through story telling and sharing our own truths (just like on Crying Out Now, but this is spoken word) we are continuing to help people understand they aren't alone and that hope is out there.

I love the talk show format, because it puts real voices to these stories, real people with lives just like yours that have come out on the other side of the pain of addiction.

If you struggle during certain times of day (for instance, on last night's show cooking in early sobriety came up a LOT) these pod casts are a great tool - pop in your ear buds and listen to get through the more difficult times.  It's another tool for getting through those early days, and another way to break down that stigma that keeps so many people stuck and alone.

And the best news is that it's growing by leaps and bounds (almost 3000 listens/downloads in three weeks) but we STILL need your help spreading the word.  Even if you aren't in recovery, you never, ever know who you may be helping but telling people about this resource through FB or Twitter.  It could be someone you know well who is suffering in silence.

The more we show the world that we ALL can come together- not just those struggling with addiction - the more that damn stigma will crack and more people will feel brave enough to come forward and ask for help.

Below is a widget that has the last four episodes on it - you can listen from there, or you can go to The Bubble Hour's website and click on the tab at the top that explains how to subscribe to our pod casts.  Once you subscribe new episodes will automatically download into your iTunes.

PLEASE help us spread the word.

I promise I won't keep coming here and begging, but the early feedback we're getting is SO encouraging, and we know this is making a big difference.  If you feel shy sharing about addiction and you're not an alcoholic or addict yourself, remember HUNDREDS of people support The Bubble Hour (and Crying Out Now) who aren't alcoholics, and have never even been touched indirectly by addiction, but you believe in a good cause and making a difference in the world.  

Thank you. SO much.  I appreciate all the support.  You guys ROCK.

Listen to internet radio with The Bubble Hour on Blog Talk Radio

Black Friday Sale and The Bubble Hour

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

I have a few bits of business to talk to you about today!

The first is I'm having a ONE DAY only Black Friday 10% off sale (ends today, Nov. 23rd at midnight).  Shop for Holiday gifts without even leaving your chair!

To make it even easier, I've made a whole section of my shop with fifty (50!) Holiday Gift Ideas.  Click here to view them.  Here is a sampling of items available in my shop:


To take advantage of the 10% off Black Friday sale, select the item(s) you wish to purchase, and during the checkout process you will see a place to enter a coupon code, and enter: blackfriday12

Just a reminder that shipping is ALWAYS FREE in my shop.  Even internationally.

For those of you who are newsletter subscribers, you already have your own special discount, and you can continue to take advantage of that until November 30th.

If you're not a newsletter subscriber and you want access to these special discounts (a new one each month) enter your email in the widget on the right hand sidebar that says "Subscribe to Shining Stones' Newsletter", and click here.  After you enter your email on the form YOU NEED TO VERIFY YOUR ACCOUNT BY GOING TO YOUR EMAIL.  (I wrote that in full caps because lots of people forget this last step and then get upset with me that they didn't get their newsletter).    I only send them once a month or if I have a special announcement, which happens very rarely (although I do have one coming up, probably in January, as I'm working on a super secret project).

Lastly, I am really excited about a new endeavor I'm working on with the fabulous Lisa N.  It's for Crying Out Now, and we have created a radio "show" that is available to listen to on Crying Out Now, or as a podcast!  So far we only have two episodes, but we'll be doing them at least weekly, so expect many more!

The show is called The Bubble Hour (you need to listen to Episode 1 to find out why it's called the Bubble Hour :), and the concept behind it is to create another tool for people who are trying to get or stay sober to use during those tougher hours of the day.  During the witching hour, for example, if you're craving a drink and just want to hear comforting words from sober women you can identify with, click on a podcast or two and listen away!  Stick your ear buds in and listen while you're cooking dinner!

There are two ways to listen.  You can go to this tab here on CON's website, and it will direct you to how to listen on Blog Talk Radio's website.

Or you can subscribe to our podcast by following these instructions:

Go to iTunes, click on menu item "Advanced" and click on "Subscribe to podcast" and enter the following URL:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour.rss 

Then go to your personal iTunes account, under podcasts, and you will see all episodes in the The Bubble Hour podcast list.

So there we have it!  A way to save some money on your holiday shopping, and a cool new podcast!  

I'd love it if you'd help me spread the word about both by Facebooking or Tweeting about this, not just for the Black Friday sale but also for the podcast - you may not even know who you'd be helping.  

Thanks so very much, as always, for all your support.  

Help Us Change The Word "Alcoholic" From 'Bad' to 'Brave'

This is, in my mind, the most important thing I write about.

The goals of Crying Out Now are lofty, but simple: to provide a safe space for women to tell their stories of addiction and recovery to help heal themselves, and to let others know they aren't alone.

And to change the way the world thinks of what it means to be an alcoholic.

Yes, the WORLD.

If you're going to aim, aim high, I say.

What do YOU think when you hear the world alcoholic? Quick - knee jerk reaction.  What image pops into your mind? Be honest with yourself. Even if you've been reading here a while, my guess is there is still that image that slinks around in your brain of a scraggly homeless man slumped on a doorstep.  It slinks in my brain sometimes, when my disease tries to tell me I wasn't that bad.

Maybe you've been wondering about your own drinking.  Do you have a niggling voice in the back of your mind that bursts through sometimes and tells you that drinking might be a little too important to you?

Whether or not you're in the earliest stages of wondering about your drinking, or firmly entangled in the trenches of low-bottom losses from drinking, it doesn't matter.  I have always said it isn't how much you drink, or how often, it's what alcohol does to you that matters.  It begins to possess your thoughts, you start arranging your life around drinking, you start to have doubts that you're fully present for your life, your work, your children.

Usually, though, these thoughts are easily dismissed by the stigma that the word "alcoholic" carries with it.  Alcoholics aren't successful business people, financially secure, happily married or mothers who try as hard as they can for their kids.  They aren't funny, creative, loving, compassionate and articulate.  They don't live next-door, or in your own house.  They aren't YOU.

I am passionate about breaking down this stigma that keeps people stuck and alone. Especially for women and mothers. We drink alone, usually, in our kitchens, with a few too many at dinner, with sneaky extra gulps from a glass when nobody is looking, or stolen chugs from a stashed bottle.  And we tend to think we're just bad, morally corrupt. And, as women are prone to do, we think we need to be perfect, so we hide this secret as deeply as we can, even though the shame is there, corroding our confidence and making us feel worthless and alone.

There is a change happening, though.  More and more women are using the internet to reach out, find out they aren't alone, and get help.

This is still a controversial topic, and I have been a lightening rod for criticism, as have other women who were some of  the first to be outspoken about their own addiction and recovery stories.  I understand the criticism.  I listen to it closely, because being open about recovery means constantly balancing the desire to reach out to the person who is suffering in silence with the role of Ego in recovery.  It's a tightrope walk of adhering to the importance of one's own recovery program and coloring outside the lines a little bit.

Here's what I see, though. More and more people (especially women) are exploring the idea of recovering from behind the safety of their computer screens, WAY before they would consider a recovery meeting, or even TELLING anyone else about their problem.

Entire communities are forming online to support each other, cheering each other on, offering encouragement and support - and often, the information that helps people walk into their first recovery meeting.  I don't think that one can stay sober long term completely online.  At some point you need to have real people in your life who can help you face-to-face.  But MANY people are meeting each other online first, and taking those initial brave steps towards admitting a problem because they can identify with the stories they read, the people they meet.   The stigma of being an alcoholic is broken down, so the compassion, love and support can come flowing through.

It's been a while since I made a video celebrating Crying Out Now.  I don't know where the last two years went, but I haven't made one since the first anniversary, and now Crying Out Now is 3 1/2 years old, and it is time for a new video.

MANY of the women (most, in fact) you see in this video met first online, by reading sober blogs, through the Booze Free Brigade, or through reaching out initially and tentatively from behind their computer screens.

They are getting off that elevator of addiction - the one that only goes one way .... DOWN - before they go all the way to rock bottom.  The internet is helping them identify with others who are exactly like them, where before they thought they were the only one.  The internet is helping many of these women go to a recovery meeting, and supplement the support they get online with people in 'real' life.

I know the statistics, that many people never crawl their way out of addiction. I don't care about the statistics. Admitting you are an alcoholic and doing the brave work involved in getting well takes serious guts, and it's this bravery I want to honor.  Crying Out Now shares the struggles (many people try for years before they finally get sober, if they get sober at all) and the successes, to show people that they aren't alone and that there IS hope.

Please honor their courage in sharing the messages in this video by commenting and PLEASE share this video on your Facebook and/or Twitter pages.  Odds are addiction has touched your life in some way - either directly or indirectly - because more than 52% of American adults are impacted by the disease of addiction.

Please share this video so it can reach that one person who is suffering in silence - you may even know her, but you don't know she's suffering.

Please help us change how the world responds to the world 'alcoholic'.

Please help us change the world, one story at a time.

(P.S. - I recommend watching this in full view screen for better viewing.  To share, click on the "share" button - SUPER easy).  Thank you.

I Need Your Help

As most of you know, I run another website called Crying Out Now.

It's a website where women come tell their stories of addiction and recovery.  Many of the women who post there are telling their truth for the first time ever; they can do so anonymously, if they wish, and it is growing community of women helping each other get, or stay, sober.  I am pleased that it has grown so much in the past year and a half, but I'm always interested in opportunities to spread the word, help more people who are struggling understand that they are not alone.

A local affiliate of CBS runs an annual contest for Boston's Most Valuable Blog, and this year Crying Out Now is a finalist in the Health & Wellness category. 

There isn't a big prize for winning, so that isn't why I'm asking for help - it's a great opportunity to get the word out there about Crying Out Now, and I'd love it if you could take 30 seconds to pop over to their website and vote.   There is no registration - it is literally ONE click, and you can vote once a day until September 9th.  

The contest has been running for a while (One Crafty Mother is also a finalist in the Life category, and you may have noticed the widget in my sidebar asking for votes) but I only found out about Crying Out Now's nomination yesterday.   Had I known it was nominated, I would have asked for votes there, instead of here, because Crying Out Now is really where I want recognition and growth.  Thousands of people across the globe read the site (even though it doesn't get a lot of comments, probably because of the subject matter) and I get several emails a week from women looking to post their story, or who just want to reach out to a comforting voice.

So, PLEASE, can you take a second to head over there and vote?  The link is here, or you can go to: http://boston.blogger.cbslocal.com/most-valuable-blogger/blog/589-crying-out-now/. 

If you're in an extra generous mood and can help me spread the word about the contest link (or just link back to this post, if that's easier) through your Facebook pages or tweets, I would be so very grateful.  If you do tweet or FB about it, leave a comment below that you did and on Saturday I will randomly choose one person to win a $35 gift certificate to my Etsy shop (my daughter will pull a name from a hat).  

Thank you, so much, for your ongoing support.  It means so much so me, and it is helping many, many women learn more about alcoholism and find the courage to get honest and get help.

And if you are interested in posting your story at Crying Out Now - you don't need to be sober, you don't need to be a writer or a blogger - I would love to hear from you.  Click here to learn more.

-Ellie

Purgatory

Recently I've gotten several emails from women who are wondering about their drinking, and they all say the same thing:  I don't know where I fit.

These are women who haven't lost anything; they still have their jobs, their families, their health.  They haven't been arrested; indeed many of them are surrounded by family and friends who don't think they have a drinking problem at all.

But they know something isn't right, and they are beginning to suspect their drinking is at the root of it all.

Many of them say they have tried a recovery meeting or two, and they feel like they don't belong as they listen to others' tales of woe.  I'm not that bad, they think.  And they are right.  They aren't that bad.  Yet.

One woman put it beautifully when she said she feels caught in purgatory; she knows she doesn't drink socially, like most of her friends, but she doesn't feel 'bad enough' to attend recovery meetings.  She said she felt like she doesn't fit in anywhere.

My opinion - and bear in mind this is my opinion only - is that they are caught up in what I call emotional addiction.  They aren't addicted to alcohol; in fact they can go for a few days at a time and not drink.  Physical addiction to alcohol takes emotional addiction to a scary new level; you get to the point where you have to drink.  If you don't drink you start to sweat, tremble or shake, or you are hit with crippling anxiety.  Sometimes all four.  When you are physically addicted to alcohol you start drinking without your own permission, desperate for relief from these uncomfortable symptoms.

Emotional addiction comes with its own discomfort, but these symptoms can be easy to miss, because they feel like all the reasons most people drink - to relax, to unwind, as a reward for a hard day, to be more social.

When I was emotionally addicted - before I had to drink - my days started to revolve around thoughts of a drink.   I would wake up in the morning feeling achy and hungover, most days, and a few cups of coffee or a brisk morning walk would clear my head and set my resolve:  not tonight.  I'm not going to drink tonight.

By three or four o'clock, though, the tape in my head had changed:  just one. Only one drink tonight.

I hated the witching hour - the hours between 5pm and 8pm - when dinner, dishes, bathtimes and bedtimes collided with cranky kids and a tired husband.   For working Moms just coming home from their job these hours are a whirlwind of activity laced with guilt that these crazy hours are the only times they see their husband, or their children, during the week.  

All I wanted to was to unwind, relax, make these hours more palatable.  A drink - or two, or three - provided instant relief from existential itchiness and guilt.

By six o'clock a drink felt like my God-given right, dammit, for making it through another long day.  I was careful while the kids were awake, but as soon as they were tucked into their beds I would head downstairs for just one more that inevitably turned into more than one.

I would wake up the next morning, achy and contrite, and the cycle would begin again.

Sometimes something would happen - an alcohol fueled fight with my husband, or an embarrassing call to a friend, and I would resolve not to drink for a while. I would usually succeed for a few days, but when the witching hours arrived my subconscious was still preoccupied with the not-drinking.  Here's me not drinking, I'd think with a mixture of pride and longing.  I was irritable, edgy and short with the kids.  Eventually a drink seemed like a good idea, if only to get my fun-loving, relaxed self back.

I started keeping a mental list in my head of all the reasons I couldn't be heading for a drinking problem (I never, ever said the "A word" - alcoholic - even to myself).  I had thriving children, a good job, many friends.  I didn't blackout (back then I didn't know the definition of a "grey-out", when memories get fuzzy or full of gaps), and I didn't drive drunk (driving after having a few didn't count, in my book, because everyone does that, right?).   I stopped with no problem at all during my pregnancies.  I was athletic, social and active.

I missed a big signpost: people who aren't developing a drinking problem don't walk around with lists in their heads about why they can't possibly have a drinking problem.  

I lived in this purgatory for years.   When I'm honest with myself I can see signs of a problem as far back as my twenties, when I would rally co-workers for a drink after work as often as possible. I never, ever attended events that didn't involve alcohol. I was usually the first person to arrive and the last to leave.

I can look back now and see where I crossed the line between emotional addiction and physical addiction.  It was subtle, quiet, sneaky.  There were no arrests or embarrassing moments at a party.   Somewhere along the line I stopped questioning myself about my drinking.  I became too afraid to try to stop - even for short bits of time - because I didn't want to learn that I couldn't.   I surrendered to denial. 

I'm talking about all this because I know, now, that emotional addiction will - always - lead to phsycial addiction eventually.  It may take years, like it did for me, but the elevator only goes one way:  down.

There is good news, though.  Because of the internet, more and more women are exploring their drinking from the safe distance of the other side of their computer monitor.  They are joining chat rooms, reading blogs, forming communities where they don't have to fear running into someone at the grocery store the next day.

Women are starting to get honest with themselves before the physical addiction kicks in, when they are in that purgatory where they know in their gut that their drinking is a problem, but they aren't about to go to a recovery meeting.  Not yet.

Getting sober when you're emotionally addicted to alcohol is hard.   It is a lot like dieting; how many of us wait until we're visibly overweight to lose those extra pounds?  How many of us wait until our health is at risk before we buckle down and do something about it?   How many of us lose those extra ten pounds, over and over, without really committing to a lifetime of healthy eating and exercise?

It's like that for people who are emotionally addicted to alcohol.   We stop for brief periods of time, convince ourselves we don't have a problem, and scratch our heads in bewilderment when months - or weeks - later we're right back where we started, or worse.

There is hope, though.   If you're reading this blog, or Crying Out Now, or joining chat rooms for people trying to stop drinking - GOOD FOR YOU.  If you are listening to that niggling voice that tells you drinking is a problem, one that is getting worse, and reaching out to talk to others who understand - you have all my admiration and respect. 

It is nearly impossible to make any meaningful changes in your drinking, in your life, alone.  So don't be alone; go find the people who understand.  We're everywhere, if you're looking in the right place.

Some people believe getting sober online isn't 'real' sobriety, and that recovery meetings are the only way to maintain meaningful sobriety. I believe, too, that to succeed long term you will need a network of support and understanding in your 'real' life, because virtual friends can only take you so far.  But if getting honest through the relative anonymity of the computer screen helps you take those first few brave  - and terrifying - steps towards recovery, I'm all for it.

At Crying Out Now there is a blogroll of sober bloggers, or bloggers trying to get sober.  Go check them out.  Look for your story in their stories.   Join the Booze Free Brigade - now over 840 members strong - and reach out to people; don't sit silently reading.  Go tell your story - type out your thoughts and fears and be surrounded by empathy and understanding.

I try not to live in regret, but I will always, always wish that I had the courage to explore my drinking when I was in purgatory.  I knew the resources were out there, but I was too scared to look.

Don't wait until physical addiction kicks in, because you won't see it coming, and although purgatory is bad, physical addiction is hell.

So please, go look.

Raise Your Voice. Please.

Please read this.  I need your help and support.

I read a statistic that 42% of American adults are affected by addiction, either directly or indirectly.   Whether you have struggled yourself (or continue to struggle) or have ever loved someone who has, nearly half of American adults have felt the sting of addiction in some form.

And yet it remains one of those topics that isn't talked about openly very often outside of recovery meetings or therapist's offices.   

When I finally dragged myself into a recovery meeting and heard another woman, someone I had never met. share my story, my feelings, I was floored.   Up until that point, and despite the staggering statistics of how many people struggle with addiction, I honestly thought I was the only one who did the things I did, who felt the way I felt.    I believed with all my heart I was morally corrupt, weak-willed, broken beyond repair.  

For the first time in a long time, I felt a stirring of hope.   If she can get sober, maybe I can, too. 

I started Crying Out Now almost one year ago to bring the same feeling of relief and comfort I experienced by hearing other people's struggles and triumphs to other women who may feel the same way I felt - totally alone, isolated and scared.

I'm only half joking when I say I want to change the world one story at a time.

The response to Crying Out Now has amazed me.   I wasn't sure that anyone would ever have the guts to submit their story - anonymously or not - but I figured it was worth a try.

Since last March nearly 125 women have stepped forward and shared their truths.   Hundreds of people have commented to show their empathy and support.    Every time I get an email from someone who says they are reading the posts at Crying Out Now and feeling less alone, my heart soars.

I had been struggling to find a way to honor Crying Out Now's first birthday.    And then I saw this video at Violence Unsilenced.     VU was founded by one of my most favorite people in the world, Maggie.   The idea for Crying Out Now came about because I was so inspired by the bravery, grace and truth in the voices of the women who post there.   I wanted to do for addiction and recovery what Violence Unsilenced is doing for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sexual abuse.

And so, with continued admiration and respect for Maggie and Violence Unsilenced (and with Maggie's permission), I want to create a video honoring the voices of Crying Out Now.  

I'm asking for your help.

To all the people out there reading who have ever struggled with addiction or recovery, who love someone who has (or is), or who admire and support women raising their voices to overcome shame and addiction, please go here to read about how to contribute one simple photograph (and it can be done anonymously) to Crying Out Now's one year anniversary video (submissions due by March 2nd).     

You don't have to be sober, in recovery or even have any direct experience with addiction to show your support.   

Together we are raising our hearts and voices, and together we are healing.
    

Here is another link to the post about how to submit a photo:  http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2011/02/your-voice-matters-come-show-your.html

THANK YOU.

-Ellie

Your Voice Matters

Let's say you have a secret.

Most of us do.  Sometimes it's just a small thing we keep tucked away from the world for our own private reasons.

But sometimes it's something bigger than that.   It may start out small, but - as with most secrets - it grows, filling your spirit with shame and fear more and more each day.

As the secret gains power over you, your determination to keep it hidden from the world - no matter what - becomes your primary mission.  

Often the shame and fear revolve not around the secret itself, but around its discovery.    You lead a double life, pouring more and more energy into how you are perceived by the world.  You struggle to make the outside look okay, and people won't peer too closely at the inside.

This is true for people who are struggling with drinking.   And, I believe, even more true for women who struggle with drinking.    We are hard on ourselves, and pressure to make life look effortless (if not downright perfect) is everywhere. 

The stigma surrounding women who have a drinking problem is very real.    Society struggles to wrap its mind around the mother of three who hides bottles in her hamper, or the powerful executive who drinks herself into oblivion every night.      Because women are accustomed to putting up a brave front, to projecting an image of multi-tasking competence, we can travel far down the path of problem drinking before we admit to ourselves or anyone else that things are eroding from the inside out.

The one thing that can set you on the path to healing is the one thing you live in fear of the most: the truth.

You have a powerful weapon to use against shame and fear:  your voice.   When you stop running and turn towards your secret, get honest with yourself and others, you have taken the first - and the bravest - step towards recovery.

But how?   How to do this?   Recovery meetings are (warning: generalization alert) all too often the place of last resort.   By the time women drag their broken spirit into a meeting, they are often far down the path of addiction.    Meetings are one place people can go and know that everyone in the room understands.   I love meetings; it's where I went to get sober, and it's where I go to stay sober.    But, without taking away from the healing power of meetings, I have also wished that I had learned I wasn't alone and sought help before things got as bad as they did.     I believe that the more we talk openly about addiction and recovery, the more chance we have of reaching people who otherwise may think they are completely alone.

A powerful thing is happening on the internet.   Women are coming forward, speaking their truths, sharing their experience, strength and hope with the world, and because of it people are getting help, and getting it sooner.

Women like Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Heather of the EO, Maggie Dammit and Corinne stepped forward, shared their stories with the world, and hundreds, if not thousands, of women saw themselves in their words and decided to get help.

I started Crying Out Now ten months ago.   Since then eighty-six women have shared their stories there.   Many of them were telling their truth for the first time.    Reading others' words helped them muster the courage to square their shoulders against the beast, and get honest. 

It's powerful, watching somebody pour their darkest secret onto the page, and see how much lighter they feel.  It's even more powerful to read the words of support, understanding and love strangers leave for them.   Some of them understand first-hand, some of them understand because they have a loved one who struggles with addiction.    Some people don't have any first hand experience with addiction, but everyone can empathize with how much courage it takes to speak your truth out loud.  

We're incorporating a few changes over at Crying Out Now.   We now have six regular contributors who will share their journey with all of you.   Some have been sober a while, some are newly sober, one is very newly sober, and one isn't sober but knows that speaking her truth will help her understand herself better.

The primary mission of Crying Out Now is to provide a place for women to share their stories of addiction and recovery, so first and foremost we want reader submssions - the regular contributors aren't meant to eclipse that, they are there to lend their voices to the cause.  

You can lend your voice to the cause, too.    Please help us spread the word about Crying Out Now.   Even if you don't struggle with addiction - either directly or indirectly - your voice can help us break down the stigma that keeps so many, many people stuck, sick and alone.    

Imagine the courage it takes to rip down the walls of denial and secrecy and put your truth out there.   The women who post there are vulnerable, and in that vulnerability beats the heart of raw courage.    Every comment and supportive word means so much.   Every Tweet or Facebook post puts the word out there a little more, helps all of us understand the humanity behind addiction.   

Together, we beat back shame and fear.  With our hearts and our voices we have the power to heal.  

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who comment, who put the Crying Out Now widget on your blog, who tweet and retweet posts, who send emails of support.  

And most of all, thank you to all of you who have the courage to put your story out there.   Your words help so many people know they aren't alone.

To submit a story to Crying Out Now, please send an email to cryingoutnow@gmail.com.

Live Out Loud

There is a lot about the end of my drinking that is lost to me forever.  

I have one memory, though, that is as clear as a bell.

I don't remember how close to the end it was, or what day it was, but I was sitting on my bathroom floor, sobbing.

It was late afternoon; Finn was napping and Greta was watching television.   I was trying not to drink.   My hands were shaking, I was sweating and my heart pounded with anxiety.    Eventually, like it always did, my resolve weakened and I locked myself in the bathroom, reached for my hidden bottle under the bath towels, settled onto the floor and drank until the shaking stopped.

After about ten minutes I started to cry, and I couldn't stop.   The tears poured down my face; I was drowning in self-loathing.    I am a prisoner in my own life, I thought.   How did I let it get so bad?  If people knew - oh God, if they knew - how sick and broken I was my life would be over. 

And then a thought dropped out of the sky and into my head; a lucid, clear, thought rang through the self-hatred and the haze:   if I make it through this, I'm going to live my life out loud. 

I had no way of knowing it, of course, but that was the tiniest beginning of telling my truth.   

~~~~~

The other day I was emailing back and forth with someone who isn't sober, but is terrified of her drinking.

She asked me two simple questions:   Why are you so open about your drinking?   Are you ever embarrassed?

I sent a pat response back, telling her that I wasn't embarrassed, not anymore, because I knew shame was a huge part of why I kept drinking; it drove me to drink without my own permission.    This is the truth, but her questions got me thinking.   Why?  Why do I talk so much about drinking and recovery?   Why did I start Crying Out Now?   What is behind this compulsion I feel to talk and talk and talk about it?

The memory of that day in the bathroom came roaring back, and I knew the answer:   I talk openly about it because I don't ever, ever want to live in silent suffering again.  

Alcoholism is a disease of isolation and shame.   Anyone who has ever struggled with drinking knows what I'm talking about - the huge amount of energy and effort it takes to sustain a double-life.   The endless lies you tell yourself - and others - to cling to the one thing that is slowly destroying your spirit.

When I got sober I was awash in shame.   I couldn't ever envision a day when I would be able to look people in the eye, admit I was an alcoholic and not feel that stab of self-loathing and guilt.    I went to recovery meetings for months and sat silently in the back row, arms crossed, hating myself and wondering what on earth made these other people seem so happy. 

That all changed when I started opening up, telling my truths.   I don't know when I finally broke down and got honest, but I do know why: without realizing it, people were coming into my life and patiently loving me until I could start loving myself.   They told me to get honest;  they assured me that my shame grew more powerful if I kept it inside.   They shared their own stories, their own struggles, and I saw myself in their words.  When I finally let down my guard, cracked through the wall of guilt, I suddenly understood something that had eluded me for months, even in sobriety:   I am not alone.   I am not the only one.  

I got honest.  First with myself, which was the hardest part.  But an amazing thing happened:  my friends were right.   A burden shared is a burden cut in half.   I felt lighter, freer.   The process of forgiving myself began.

~~~~~

I started this blog when I was almost a year sober.   It wasn't supposed to be a blog about addiction and recovery;  I thought it would be about creativity and making jewelry - a platform to launch my fledgling jewelry business.

But I realized that without my recovery I have nothing:  no creativity, no light, no genuine connections with other people.   No love.

So I started talking about addiction and recovery - out there on the internet for the world to see.   Just my own experience, strength and hope.   I didn't do it to save anybody, or to tell anyone how to get sober.   I did it to keep myself sober, to stay honest with myself.   

I know from my own experience and listening to countless stories that at the root of addiction are two things:  denial and shame.   Denial keeps you thinking you aren't as bad as you really are, and shame floods in when moments of truth surface and you see had bad it really is.

Women are particularly burdened with shame, I think.   I don't mean that our suffering is worse than a man's - but it's different.   A lot of the pressure to be perfect comes from within our own community of women; it comes from inside our own heads, too.

When a woman is struggling with drinking, the hurdles to telling people seem insurmountable.    These hurdles become even more complicated when the woman is also a mother.   The world is still struggling to understand that motherhood doesn't exempt women from the disease of alcoholism, any more than it would from diabetes or cancer.   Indeed, for me becoming a mother both fueled my drinking and drove it further underground.

Even women who know they have a problem with drinking often don't know where to begin.   How could they possibly tell anyone else?   The stigma of addiction and the shame of not being who people think you are keeps women stuck.   I know, because I've been there.   In my head it was better to suffer in silence than to face the judgements, alienation and shame of admitting my problem.   

Many women - myself included - stayed stuck and sick and alone because they thought their world would end if they told their truth.

So here is the real answer to her question:

I'm open about my addiction and recovery because I'm not ashamed.  Not anymore.   I know I'm not the only one.

I write about it so I won't ever have to have that moment on the bathroom floor again.  

I write about it because it keeps me honest with myself.   As they say in recovery:  you're only as sick as your secrets.

I write about it to live out loud.

The Comfort of Strangers

I don't talk about recovery meetings on this blog, and for good reason.  What happens in those meetings is sacred, and it's not my business to share the things I hear there.

But I have talked about how telling my truth to a roomful of strangers saved my life.    I dragged myself into a recovery meeting, broken, weary and desperate.   I didn't plan on speaking; I didn't want to be there at all.   I was going to get the heat off, to appease the people who loved me and avoid the dire consequences if I didn't get help.

I went into the room, plunked down in the back and crossed my arms, prepared to despise everything and everyone.

It didn't work out that way.  Before I could stop myself, my hand went up and I said my name.   And then I said I was an alcoholic.

I'd love to say the clouds parted, beams of light came streaming down and I never drank again.    It didn't work out that way, either.

But a seed was planted that night.   Sitting in that room for an hour, listening to others' stories, I felt companionship and understanding.   I felt safe, for the first time in a long time.    My life was full of baffled loved ones asking questions that started with "how could you..." and "why don't you .." and "why can't you..."    In that room I was surrounded by people who understood, and it broke through my pain and denial just enough to bring me back again.   And again.    I went until I wanted to be there, and nobody was more surprised than me when that happened.

These people I had never met before, who had nothing invested in me, who didn't want a thing for me except my own peace of mind, started me down the road to sobriety.

Something special is happening over at Crying Out Now.    People are stepping forward, telling their truths, surrendering their fears, and comforting strangers are responding in kind.    I started Crying Out Now seven months ago, and now co-moderate it with Robin and Val, two amazing women in recovery.   It is a place for people to come tell their truths, anonymously if they wish, without judgment or fear of reprisal.    

Some people who submit their story are still drinking, unsure if they have a problem or not and simply thinking out loud.   Others are newly sober or coming back after a relapse and are struggling and in need of support.    Some people have been in recovery for a while, and just want to share some of their experience, strength and hope. 

The power of hearing someone tell their truth, not because they have all the answers but because they don't, is undeniable.   The comfort offered by people who have been there, or who are there themselves, is healing.

The internet affords its own version of anonymity.   You can be anyone you want to be, and lots of people use this power for evil instead of good.     At Crying Out Now the ability to be anyone - just another face in a sea of faces - has the power to heal.   For many people, it's the first place they have ever talked about their struggles or fears.   It's a first step, a planted seed, a small break in the isolation of suffering.

I don't mean to imply that telling your story online is the equivalent of going to a recovery meeting.    But that same spark is there, that feeling of busting through to the truth, the breath-holding step of finally, FINALLY, just getting it out there and letting it go.  

Crying Out Now is not about telling people that they need to get sober, or how to get sober.   Where people go and what they do with their truth is up to them.    But it's a safe place to open up and shed a small beam of light into the darkness.

If you're struggling with alcoholism or addiction, or if you're in recovery and want to share some of your story, please submit a post to cryingoutnow@gmail.com.   We want to hear from you.    Robin, Val and I are the only ones with access to the email, and you can create an anonymous hotmail or yahoo email account if you don't want anyone to know who you are. 

Or just come lend some words of encouragement and support.   You can comment anonymously, too, and your words will help someone feel less alone, less afraid.     

Please help us spread the word about Crying Out Now, because the comfort of strangers has the power to heal.