Introverted Extrovert

Whenever I make a new friend, somewhere innocuous like the soccer sidelines, or a new neighbor, (as opposed to through a recovery, business or internet connection where someone already knows me, or knows of me) there is inevitably that moment.   The one where they say, "and what do you do"?

One of my first-ever blog posts ranted about the awkwardness of this seemingly innocent interrogative.  Back in my single working days this question never gave me pause.  "I'm a Blahbity Blah" I'd rattle off without thinking, my identify safely wrapped up in my Job Title Du Jour.

Becoming a full time Mom added a layer of puzzlement on how to answer this.  I hated how often I felt the question mark at the end of my reply, when I'd mumble out "I'm a Mom?"  Sometimes I'd even say, "I'm just a Mom", as if the merits of raising a child were lacking in some key way.

After I started my jewelry business, the question mark still loomed:  I make jewelry? 

When a person expressed an interest in learning more about this, I struggled.  I didn't own my creativity, refusing to believe I was an artist of any kind.  "Oh, it's no big deal," I'd say.  "It's just a little Etsy shop.  Something to keep me from getting too bored."

Blogging added another layer of complexity, especially five years ago when more than half the people would say, "You're a what?? What's a blogger?"

Again the question mark reared its ugly head. "Um, I write about my life on the internet?"

This was almost always met with a puzzled expression and a "Why?"

Back then I didn't know why.  It was just something I couldn't not do, but that answer seemed ridiculous.  And blogging carried for me more than a whiff of narcissism, of navel gazing.  I couldn't understand why I blogged any more than I could understand why on earth anyone would read it.

The awkwardness factor ratcheted up a notch when, left unsatisfied from my self-deprecating mumbling response to why I blog, the person would inquire, understandably, "well, what do you blog about?"

"Well, er, I'm an alcoholic in recovery, and I write about that," I'd sputter, bracing for the person's head to jerk back, for them to stare into the middle distance and concoct an excuse to walk away.

Most people had this response, because the of the uncomfortable vibe radiating from my pores; if I felt embarrassed about it, they felt embarrassed for me.

Little by little, my jewelry business and blog grew, but my self-deprecating manner did not keep pace with the public response.  I'd frame my answer to the what-do-you-do question with "Well, I'm a Mom and kind of a writer. Oh, and I make jewelry."

I wouldn't hand over the business cards I carried in my purse, feeling that was to pushy. If they asked for a card, I'd give them one with a tentative smile.  "You totally don't need to buy anything," I would say, as if that person possessed no free will.

I cringe just thinking about it.

Then I founded my non-profit, Shining Strong, encompassing all my internet outreach projects that were growing by the day:  The Bubble Hour podcast, Crying Out Now, and my advocacy work with other organizations working in recovery advocacy.  And I started my Arbonne business.

Still - STILL - I stumbled over how to answer the what-do-you-do question.  It all came tumbling out in one vomitous reply: I-run-a-non-profit-and-make-jewelry-and-blog-and-am-an-Arbonne-consultant?  And a Mom of two kids?

The middle-distance stare. The shuffling feet. The poor person wouldn't have the first clue how to respond to my rapid fire and apologetic answer that landed at their feet like a stone.

About a year ago, I wrote about this phenomenon in my post Killing The Question Mark. I was preparing to meet Brene Brown, of Daring Greatly fame, and I was trying to own my successes without apology. I sound all put together-n-shit in that post, but the only reason I gave a copy of my book to Brene Brown was that my Mom brought one. I left mine at home, feeling too sheepish about self-promotion.  To Brene Brown, for crying out loud, the QUEEN of overcoming shame and embracing vulnerability.  The question mark came lurching back like a zombie from a bad B movie.

Now Shining Strong is really growing.  I incorporated as a non-profit. I have a fantastic board of directors, and a gorgeous and informative website, thanks to the talents of my friend Amanda.

Suddenly I find myself standing in front of rooms of people, or being interviewed online, or advocating for The Anonymous People,  a movement all about owning your recovery and speaking unabashedly about your recovery to help others.

The critics are loud in my head, but only I can give them power over me.  Only I can allow them to fuel my Question Mark Syndrome.  They are a minority. Most people are a combination of curious and supportive about Shining Strong's mission.  The question mark is weighing me down, and starting to smack of false modesty.


I have always been an introverted extrovert.  Talking to me you would likely never know that I am cringing inside a lot of the time: do I sound like an egomaniac? Am I making sense? Are you bored? Did you just look at your watch? Do you like me? 

I don't know that the introverted extrovert will ever go away. I am learning to love her, to embrace her and tell her: "It's going to be okay. You're not an egomaniac, and the mission is worthwhile".   Now and again someone in person, or through the grapevine, or on the internet, will criticize my efforts to raise money for Shining Strong. Or even my jewelry business, implying that I'm hawking my recovery to make money.

That hurts, and the question mark gains power.

But in my heart, I know that's not true. I named my non-profit in memory of my Dad (my maiden name is Strong) who gave back to the communities he served his whole life.  My Dad doesn't want me to cringe. My Mom is my biggest cheerleader, carrying the flag for me at every opportunity.  My best friend is now in recovery with me and is as essential to me as oxygen.

It's time to kill the question mark for good.

I will advocate now and again on this blog. I will talk about the mission I believe so strongly in.  I will even, on occasion, ask for financial help if you can spare it. I will often ask for help spreading the word.

And, just recently, when I met my brand-new neighbor at the end of our driveway as we waited for the bus with our kids, and she asked me, "what do you do?"

I smiled and said "I'm a Recovery Advocate and an Entrepreneur, when I'm not Mom-ing, which is most of the time".

She smiled back, and said, "Tell me, what is Recovery Advocacy?"

And so I did.

I even gave her my business card.

You Don't Want To Miss This. Or This. Or This.

September is  National Recovery Month, and I will be posting about recovery events, information and celebrations for this whole month!

Some big announcements today!

The first one is a video I made celebrating recovery. Shining Strong is a non-profit corporation I founded in April of 2013, and I'm so pleased to announce it is making HUGE strides in helping people struggling with addiction and breaking down the stigma that surrounds this disease by CELEBRATING RECOVERY.   With my fellow board members Lisa, Amanda and Lisa, we are increasing our outreach, partnering with other pioneering people and organizations like The Anonymous People and Gosnold on Cape Cod  and growing our audience (and hence our outreach) by leaps and bounds.

To promote our organization AND celebrate the gifts of recovery, we created a video.  PLEASE share this on your social media pages, and/or tell your friends about it.  You never, ever know who you may be helping, as two-thirds of Americans are impacted by addiction either directly or indirectly.  This video shows that RECOVERY WORKS, and it's full of beautiful and inspiring women who are on this recovery journey with me:



To continue our outreach and continue to administrate our sites Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour  we need your help.  All proceeds from my jewelry businesses fund Shining Strong, but that isn't enough to meet our expanding needs.  This is a fantastic problem to have, because Shining Strong and its websites are growing faster than any of us ever imagined they would.

Contributions go towards the administration and marketing of all three of our websites, producing our internet talk show/podcast The Bubble Hour, as well as helping us with expansion plans that include hosting yoga/meditation sessions, recovery retreats and much more.

On the right-hand side of my sidebar is a Widget that says "Please Help Shining Strong"... you can choose any amount and it ALL helps.  As an added thank-you ... any contribution of $30 and over will receive a signed copy of my book "Let Me Get This Straight".  If you contribute $30 or more you will see a form to fill out with your name and address for where to send the book, as well as a place to request a customized message from me, if you'd like.

You can also go directly to the contribution page by clicking here:

Please Help Shining Strong!

EDITED TO ADD: Some people are reporting trouble with this widget, especially MAC users. I apologize, and I'm working on it with WePay. I am able to accept credit card donations that go directly to Shining Strong's account, so if you are interested in this option, please email me at onecraftyellie@gmail.com. I apologize for the trouble.  

There are non-monetary ways to help, too.  You can share this post on FB or Twitter or email it to friends -- anything to spread the word about Shining Strong!   You can come like our Facebook page by CLICKING HERE.  If Crying Out Now or The Bubble Hour or my personal blog have helped you or a loved one, you could come leave a testimony (you can do it anonymously) on Shining Strong's website by CLICKING HERE.

Any way you can help is so very much appreciated, and we thank you.

Last announcement - Shining Strong's presentation of The Anonymous People was sold out so quickly we moved to a bigger screen at the West Newton, MA theater, and we have more seats available!!  They will go fast, so if you haven't gotten your $10 ticket yet, and you live anywhere near the Boston area, please CLICK HERE NOW to get your ticket!    

We are SO excited about this film - it is changing the conversation about recovery, breaking down the stigma that surrounds addiction and catalyzing much needed political, economic and social change!

We get many questions, particularly from people in the recovery community, about how this film and how it relates other 12 step recovery programs' traditions.  Greg Williams, creator of the film, was a guest on The Bubble Hour and he talks about the film, how it all came about, why and how the recovery conversation is changing and answers the questions about this film and 12 step traditions.  EVERYONE in recovery, struggling with addiction or alcoholism, or who loves someone in recovery or struggling NEEDS to listen to this show.  Greg is compassionate, graceful and articulate and we are so grateful for his appearance on our show:

New Life Podcasts with The Bubble Hour on BlogTalkRadio

Thank you, everyone, for all your support, encouragement and love over the years. This is just the beginning of some very exciting and hopeful times for the recovery community and for Shining Strong. We appreciate all your help. So much.

Important Announcements for People Struggling with Drinking, AND The People Who Love Them

I have two important bits of business/announcements today.

I know not everyone who reads One Crafty Mother struggles with addiction, but many people read who are touched by addiction in some way, through a loved one or friend or parent.

I'm looking for help spreading the word about my new site, Shining Strong, which for now is operating as an umbrella organization for Crying Out Now, The Bubble Hour and One Crafty Mother.  The proceeds from my two jewelry stores: Shining Stones and Two Little Birds already go to fund to the mission of Shining Strong, and they are part of this umbrella organization as well.

I am in the process of creating a not-for-profit organization - Shining Strong - to make the collective missions of all these websites and companies an official not-for-profit that can hopefully seek additional sources of funding, down the road, to help maintain and grow Shining Strong, and as a result reach more women who are struggling from this disease and think they are alone and stuck.

So, there is a method to all my creative madness, lately.  That's the grand plan.

I made an information/promotional video for Shining Strong. The intended audience is women who are still struggling with drinking and need the support these communities can provide, and I'm hoping some of you will share this video.

Even if you don't struggle with addition, or never have, you really and truly never know who you may be helping. It could be someone you know well who is suffering in silence. Did you know that 15% of people in the US alone are considered "problem drinkers"?  That is more than 1 in 10.  It's a chronic, progressive and fatal disease (if left untreated) that very few people want to talk about. Shining Strong's mission is to chip away at that stigma and fear, and create communities for healthy, open and judgment free discourse and support.

Actually, people who don't struggle with drinking are probably better candidates to share the video, because people who do are too scared to share and reveal their secret, because of the effing stigma. You all know how I feel about the stigma.

I get a lot of feedback from people who love an alcoholic who tell me the posts and pod casts on Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour (and here) help them understand addiction better as well.

So if you'd share this video, I'd be very grateful (and keep reading after the video, because I have one last announcement). Just share the link to this post, or click on the "share" button on the video itself - super easy and fast!  Also - I know it looks from the preview like Crying Out Now's anniversary video, and you will see some familiar faces, but it's a brand new video:



My second announcement is an important Bubble Hour episode that will air this Monday, January 14th at 5:30pm EST, 4:30pm Central and 2:30pm PST.  If you can't listen at this time, it will be available in iTunes and The Bubble Hour's website right after the show airs. You can find a link to this episode (and more information about our featured guest)  by clicking here.

The Bubble Hour is honored to have Sarah Allen Benton, author of "Understand the High Functioning Alcoholic" as a featured guest.  She is a tremendous resource to people struggling with drinking - especially people who haven't experienced many (if any) losses from their drinking.  She is ALSO a tremendous resource to loved ones who are concerned about someone's drinking, so this is a show that I encourage anyone who is worried about a loved one or friend to listen to.  We hope to have the live call-in function available for this show (we're testing this capability tonight) and the number to call is at the top of the show page, which you can find by clicking here.   There is also a chat function (at the bottom of the show page; obviously both the chat and call-in function only apply while the show is live), and you need to register with BlogTalkRadio to participate in the chat (quick and easy and you can use any username you want).

As always, the show will also be available on The Bubble Hour's web page and on iTunes immediately after it airs.  To subscribe to the Bubble Hour on iTunes, click this link here.  

To learn more about Sarah and her incredible work, please visit her website by clicking here.

Please help me spread the word about these valuable resources, by sharing this post, the video, or the link to the BlogTalkRadio show page for Sarah's show (again, you can find that by clicking here).

You will be helping more people than you can possibly imagine, with just a few clicks and shares on your Facebook or Twitter pages, and I appreciate it so much.

Thank you!

Turret Thinking, A Health Scare and A Message (or two) From The Universe

I appear to be in the midst of a creative explosion.

Back in the late summer, I told myself (and some recovery friends, and my yoga instructor) that I was going to focus on self-care in the fall.  I was still healing physically from the cancer treatments, but feeling better every day.

I joked and said I was going to postpone my world domination plans until after the first of the year, at least.

I made it until about late October, and then my creative brain went a little nuts. In mostly a good way, but it's got me wondering where is this all coming from?   I don't say this in a braggy way (because I'm not sure it's something to brag about anyway) but in the past few months I have launched a new internet talk show/website/twitter page, published a book, sold a record amount of jewelry with the revamping of my newsletter with more attention to marketing, and hired a web designer for a last, bigger project I'm not announcing until January or February.

Some of my close friends, who know me well, have called me on this whatever-it-is I'm doing thing. It's a bit manic, and I freely admit that.  The thing is, I'm happy.  I definitely get overwhelmed, but I've asked for help with my creative babies (and am SO grateful to get it from so many lovely, compassionate, creative people) so at least I'm not doing all this alone anymore.

Then I was meditating the other day and it came to me - I knew where this creative explosion was coming from.

I spent six months incapacitated by cancer, unable to do much but think and sleep.  And think I did.   I thought about what really matters; a life threatening illness will do that to you.  Of course family came out right at the top of the list.

But another phenomenon happened as well.  I've always had a crazy creative brain.  Heather and I call it our monkey brain.  Having a shortage of monkeys (ideas) has never been a problem for me.  I was only happiest when I was madly chasing a dream or a new idea or building something online or talking to someone about building something online.

Basically, I was running from the drudgery of real life. Endless amounts of laundry, dinners, homework, baths, packing lunches, cleaning.  Letting my monkeys run wild was my escape - the antidote to my self-inflicted "I'm more than just a Mom" syndrome.

I was running from.  Not towards.

What cancer did - or rather what that forced stop did - was cause me to re-evaluate where I spend my time, even my mental time, because suddenly that was a lot more precious than it used to be.

As I emerged from my illness, began to physically feel better, I realized I have a mission.  I've had it all along, but it has been scattered.  I said at a round-table discussion recently, "I like to build my castles from the turret down. Turrets are pretty and everyone looks at them and I like that. Then I get to the last brick at the foundation and find out I'm building on a swamp".  I'm impulsive, and I like starting at the most interesting (and, let's admit it) noticeable part.

I've always had a mission - help people (especially women and mothers) who struggle with addiction and/or recovery feel less alone.  My mission is not to run around getting people sober.  My mission is to throw the doors of the stigma and darkness and secrecy and ignorance surrounding the disease of addiction WIDE OPEN.

This creative explosion is because I know what I want, now. I know why I'm doing it. Even the jewelry is tied to my mission.  It all folds back in on itself, and I'm getting advice (new anti-turret behavior!) on pulling my mission together into something even tighter, more meaningful and structuring it in a way that it can reach even more ears.

I'm running towards, and it feels really good.

And then yesterday I had a scare.  At the risk of sharing too much information, I woke up yesterday morning with a mouth full of blood, and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I didn't know where it was coming from. It was terrifying.  As luck (HA! I don't believe in luck any more) would have it I already had a radiologist check-up scheduled for that day. I wasn't going to go, though, because I'm to busy and was feeling so great.

Sometimes the Universe whispers to you, and sometimes it SCREAMS.  I looked heavenward, through my fear, and said "point taken".  I should never, ever be too busy to take care of myself. I was feeling so good, so far away from Cancer Land, so distracted from how recently I finished treatments.

Suddenly there I was slammed back into Cancer Land - full of fear and awfulizing thoughts and "shoulding" all over myself. I should be beyond this fear, I should be able to handle this better, etc.

I took a deep breath, called/emailed and texted some sober friends and told them where I was headed, what was going on, and got them lined up in case I got bad news. I can't be left alone with bad news.

I headed into the Radiology Department at Mass General Hospital, full of fear, spitting blood into tissues.  Why now? I thought to myself, playing the victim. Things are going so well. 

For some reason you always wait at least an hour for a scheduled appointment,which doesn't do much for rising panic and fear. My phone was buzzing away with encouraging updates from friends, which helped so much, but finally I turned the phone off, centered myself, and meditated.  Me. Meditating in a cancer ward.  I never, ever thought THAT day would come.

I sat with the center of myself for a while, counting my breaths and listening to my strong heartbeat, when suddenly I heard the first jingling bars of beautiful guitar music.  I opened my eyes to see a woman playing the guitar and singing with a circle of children with cancer - all full of smiles and clapping along to the beat.

Perspective? Firmly in place.

My appointment was fine. I'm okay. They think the blood is from dry air/sinuses, and when they scoped my throat, they said "it looks fantastic".  I have a lot to be grateful for.

I drove home thinking, hard, about how lucky I am to have found the thing I want to do with my life, for as long as I can afford to do it.  Cancer gave me this gift. I don't know if I have a day or sixty years, but I intend to make the most of whatever time I have left.

The other lucky (HA!) things? That afternoon I had both my cancer support group and a recovery meeting to go to.  I dumped all this out to people who understand, and felt a million times better. Sometimes the Universe Screams, but sometimes it Pats You On The Back, too.

I have a lot of work to do, some dismantling of turrets and some laying of foundations on solid ground, but I'm excited.  I can feel in my bones that it's going somewhere good - and I don't mean wild financial success or millions of people staring at my turret.  I mean my purpose, my heart song, the footprint I'm meant to leave in this world.  As long as I can focus on balance, self-care and support, I will be okay.

Knowing my mission in life, being so certain it's why I'm here, is so freeing. Even though I'm busier than I've ever been, I'm calm (usually - I have my moments as I recently posted about,, I guess I should say I'm existentially calm). I'm purposeful. I'm focused. I'm able to follow my mission and spend time with my kids because those other monkeys that don't fit in my life aren't there anymore.

It may sound odd to some of you - I was telling a friend all this recently and she said, "Well, DUH!  I think you may be the last person to see this, you know."

But she doesn't understand how many monkeys have gone silent, and how many I've let run free. If the monkey doesn't fit my mission - even if I think it's a really good idea - I'm letting the monkey go.  That's HARD for someone like me.

I am still trying to prioritize self-care. I go to yoga, my cancer group meetings, my recovery meetings.  I'm still searching for that elusive balance, but because I'm on a heart mission it all feels like part of my balance.

And I have NO idea where it's going. I'm not planning that part - that's turret thinking.

I'm opening my heart (not my monkey mind) to the messages the Universe sends me (or hurls at my head, depending on how much I'm really paying attention).

I'm just laying the next brick, as carefully I can and with lots of help. advice and more than a little prayer.

I can't wait to see how the castle will turn out.

I Can't Believe It! And a giveaway!

It CAME today!  My new book!  I didn't expect it to arrive so quickly, and I'm SO happy with the way it turned out!

Please excuse morning hair and face. Too excited to get dolled up for the picture!

I am holding in my hand one of my dreams.  Granted, it's not the same as being published on Amazon or through a literary agent, but hey - it's a step in the right direction and I'm really proud of it.

The color edition of this book is more expensive than the black and white, and I went back and forth as to which one I should pick, but I'm so pleased with the color, and especially when it comes to the photos in the book, it makes such a difference:

I seriously cannot believe I'm holding a book in my hand with the words "by Ellie Schoenberger" on the cover. I can't even pretend to be modest or sheepish about it.  I'm thrilled.

As I wrote about before, the profits from book sales are going to fund Crying Out Now and The Bubble Hour.  These labors of love have reached hundreds of thousands of people, and I've reached the end of what I can afford to do on my own and still keep these sites going.  Some wonderful people (announcement coming soon) have volunteered their time to help me keep them going, but the actual expenses are growing (just to maintain the sites).

If you want to support these sites - if they have helped you or someone you love -and you want a "Best Of" compilation of my posts so far (talking about my journey through alcoholism/recovery, weight loss, my father's sudden death, cancer and the joys and trials of everyday life with two young kids) there is still time to receive it before the holidays.  The softcover (color) edition is pricier than normal, but it goes to a good cause.  You can also get the eBook edition (for MAC products) and pdf versions (for PCs) for $9.99.

But the book makes a great gift, if I do say so myself.  :)

Even if I never, ever sell another one, I still can't believe I accomplished this dream that has been on my list for ages.  Thank you to Heather of the EO for the idea, and to Blurb.com for making it uncomplicated to do for a technically challenged person like myself.

If you are interested in ordering the book or eBook, you can go here to do so.

Thank you to everyone who has supported these causes by buying the softcover or downloading the eBook or pdf so far.  I can't tell you adequately in words what it means to me.  And the thousands of people out there struggling with addiction thank you, too.

And if you think I should make it available in black and white at a more affordable price ($15.99) will you leave that feedback here?  I'm so in love with the color photos, but maybe it makes more sense to make it black & white so more people can afford it?  Unfortunately I have to pick one or the other. What do you guys think?

I am smiling from ear to ear today.  I am still working on a book of original writing that I hope to find agent representation for someday.  Someday.  Achieving this dream makes my confidence level to be able to achieve that next goal so much higher.

It's a good day.

I'm going to give away one autographed copy of my book!  If you have already purchased one (eBooks and pdf files count, too) or you purchase one in the next three days, leave a comment and I'll give you FIVE entries.  If you leave feedback on whether I should produce a black & white version instead, I'll give you TWO entries.  And if you comment and say you'd like an autographed copy, I'll give you ONE entry.

The winner will be chosen on Friday, December 7th via random.org:


Thank you!

Exciting News

I'm trying hard not to apologize for coming here and continuing to talk about my latest projects.

But I can't really write about anything else at the moment, because these heart projects are on my mind, and I'm determined to spread the word.

I already posted about The Bubble Hour (a new internet talk show that is also available on iTunes).  It's a show geared towards giving practical advice to people who are still drinking, thinking of stopping, who are new to sobriety and could use empathy, advice and community, or people who have been sober a while and are interested in hearing how other people get through the tougher times.

It's a practical advice show, with fabulous guests telling their own stories and opening up what has worked (and not worked) for them.  Through story telling and sharing our own truths (just like on Crying Out Now, but this is spoken word) we are continuing to help people understand they aren't alone and that hope is out there.

I love the talk show format, because it puts real voices to these stories, real people with lives just like yours that have come out on the other side of the pain of addiction.

If you struggle during certain times of day (for instance, on last night's show cooking in early sobriety came up a LOT) these pod casts are a great tool - pop in your ear buds and listen to get through the more difficult times.  It's another tool for getting through those early days, and another way to break down that stigma that keeps so many people stuck and alone.

And the best news is that it's growing by leaps and bounds (almost 3000 listens/downloads in three weeks) but we STILL need your help spreading the word.  Even if you aren't in recovery, you never, ever know who you may be helping but telling people about this resource through FB or Twitter.  It could be someone you know well who is suffering in silence.

The more we show the world that we ALL can come together- not just those struggling with addiction - the more that damn stigma will crack and more people will feel brave enough to come forward and ask for help.

Below is a widget that has the last four episodes on it - you can listen from there, or you can go to The Bubble Hour's website and click on the tab at the top that explains how to subscribe to our pod casts.  Once you subscribe new episodes will automatically download into your iTunes.

PLEASE help us spread the word.

I promise I won't keep coming here and begging, but the early feedback we're getting is SO encouraging, and we know this is making a big difference.  If you feel shy sharing about addiction and you're not an alcoholic or addict yourself, remember HUNDREDS of people support The Bubble Hour (and Crying Out Now) who aren't alcoholics, and have never even been touched indirectly by addiction, but you believe in a good cause and making a difference in the world.  

Thank you. SO much.  I appreciate all the support.  You guys ROCK.

Listen to internet radio with The Bubble Hour on Blog Talk Radio