Blahg Crisis

Blogging is weird.

Well, it is. 

I have been in a head space where I don't understand why I come here and talk about whatever is on my mind.   It's not some over-blown existential crisis, it just feels sort of silly.  

More experienced bloggers are probably nodding their heads knowingly, thinking:  Ah, yes.  I remember that phase.  At least I hope they are, because it would be comforting to know that what I'm experiencing is typical and that it will pass.

The words don't come easily to me these days.   I'll come up with an idea for a post on addiction or recovery, and then I'll think:  I already talked about that.  Or the kids will do something clever or funny and I'll start to write a post about it and just lose steam.    Nobody actually wants to read this stuff, do they?  I'll think.

This isn't a fishing trip; I'm not doing a blog post to get comments telling me to keep blogging, blah, blah, blah.   It's just the honest truth:  I feel out of things to say.

So why am I here talking about it? 

I have no idea.  

I was in the supermarket the other day, just watching Normal Regular Ordinary People (NORPs) go about their business and I was thinking about how most people don't go home and feel compelled to write about their life for the world to see -- so what is it about me that wants to do that?

What drives bloggers to put their life out there into cyberspace?

I think part of it is that I'm kind of bored with myself these days.   I'm flat and uninspired.  I occasionally get jazzed up about some new jewelry, but how much can one person talk about making jewelry before peoples' eyes start to cross?  

I'd like to think I blog to become part of a community, not just to project into the world.   But it's almost impossible to divorce ego from blogging.   Of course I'm getting something from it - why else would I do it?    But I'm losing the thread on why I blog.  

I know why I read blogs, at least.  I read other peoples' blogs because I'm in awe of the talent out there.   When I read a post that reaches in and touches my heart, or makes me laugh until tears flow, it fuels my spirit.    I'm not interested in reading bloggers that prattle on and on; I'm drawn to blogs that make me think, laugh or view life in some different way.

I'm feeling like a prattler.   Look at this post:  prattle, prattle, prattle.

Tonight I had dinner with my friend Corinne.  We're talking and laughing, and it hit me:   I would never have known Corinne if I didn't blog.   Or I'll be chatting with Heather on the phone and it will occur to me that a year ago I didn't even know she existed.  Corinne and Heather are like oxygen to me now; I feel like I've known them for ages.    Those friendships are very real, even though they were born from the pixelated world of the internet.  

Maybe that is why I keep on blogging ... because the connections that have come to me since I started are incredible.   Maybe I blog for the same reason I stay sober:   because of the possibilities, the new friendships, the opportunity to become part of new worlds.   Sobriety feels flat to me sometimes, too, when I lose sight of all the gifts it has brought me.   Maybe what I'm missing is good old-fashioned gratitude. 

Will you help me?  If you're a blogger, will you tell me why you blog?   If you're a blog reader, will you tell me why you read?   Not mine specifically - like I said, this is not a fishing trip.    I'm genuinely curious.  

Maybe you can help shake me out of this, well, flatness.