Quit Your Day Job

I love those ads you see everywhere - stapled to telephone poles, in the back of magazines, on late-night television -- "Quit your day job!!" they scream. "Work from home! Earn thousands a month!". They make me smile, because I wouldn't quit my day job for anything in the world - I'm a Mom. To be truthful, its good that I can't quit, because on some days I'd hand those kids my resignation notice and peal out of the driveway in a cloud of dust. But of course I'm kidding (right?).

As my good friend Liz says- Motherhood is Not For Wimps. And its not. Its tough, exhausting, demanding and my oldest is 6 and so far neither of my kids has said to me at the end of a long day, "Great job today, Mom. Really superior parenting. I feel emotionally well balanced and thoroughly nurtured. Well done."

Its okay, though. For the most part seeing them thrive and grow is all the reward I need. And its true that they are the most important part of my life. When I left Corporate America seven years ago, after I had my daughter, I was blessed to be able to stay home with her full time. What I eventually figured out (okay, it took me five years) was that to be a good Mom I need to nurture myself, too. And doing that is hard - its contrary to a lot about parenting. I underestimated mother-guilt. Putting my needs first - no matter how benign they are - felt wrong somehow. I thought the kids' needs always had to come first, no matter what. What I was slower to learn was that taking care of myself is putting their needs first. Because, as my wise friend Karin says: "when the mothership goes down, it all goes down." My first few years of being a Mom were a lot tougher than they needed to be, because I didn't understand, yet, this valuable lesson.

I started Shining Stones a little over a year ago. I did it on a whim - I loved making jewelry, and my brother Rob told me about Etsy one day. So I started a little shop, thinking it would be a good distraction from the day-to-day grind of raising kids and running a household. And it was, but it didn't stay little for long. The business grew steadily, and I found myself about nine months into it with what amounted to a busy part-time job. I was thrilled to have the business thrive, but thoroughly surprised, and in a kind of denial that my little business was keeping me so busy. I was thinking of it, in my own head, like a sort of hobby. It was too difficult for me to admit (hello, mother-guilt) that I was actually running a business. The kids began to notice, too, that I wasn't available for them all the time. All my son had to do was see me sitting at my beading table and he would burst into tears. My daughter said to me (with that stab-you-in-the-heart voice that 6 year old girls around the world have perfected) "Its too bad, Mom, you don't have time to play with us anymore". Things got crazy enough that I almost shut my business down. I felt like I wasn't measuring up on any front, and the kids are my top priority, so I thought the business had to go.

But I know better now. Jewelry making is a passion of mine, and I can't imagine my life without it. And managing a small business is good for me. It keeps my head in the game, gives me other things to think about. I meet so many interesting and talented people, and the little extra income makes me a financial contributor again. So I pulled my boot straps up, admitted this was important and worthwhile. I try to be better about structuring my day so the kids get quality time, and then I get my time, too. I'm getting better about the mother-guilt. I have to tell myself, like a mantra, that my time is just as important. Its like the instruction you get on airplanes: "In the event of a loss of oxygen in the plane, put your own mask on before assisting small children". I didn't used to understand that, but now I do. Because I'm no good to anyone if I'm not getting my oxygen. And my kids see that I'm more than a Mom, too. In the post office recently (we practically live at the post office) my daughter said to Ken, our favorite postal worker, "did you know my Mom's a famous beader? She sells jewelry around the whole world. When I grow up, if I decide not to be a teacher or veterinarian, I'm going to be a beader".